Poetry by Brandon

Current Poem Count: 24

Poems by Me: 22

I was bored one day and was cleaning my keyboard, and lost the 5 off my numpad. Lol. So I wrote a poem in its memory. Then I thought, "Wow, that's pretty good, maybe I'll make a site... let's try again...", so I said to Ashley "Hey maybe if I write another one, it'll come back!". And it did, so I wrote one celebrating it's return. The first three are those poems that caused the creation of this site. The other ones will have a note about how they came to be.

- Evil B|

"A Love Poem, Dedicated to the Memory of my 5 Key"

03.01.05

The empty hole in my heart is mirrored by that where the 5 key used to be,
And when English class rolls around, Ashley always has to pee.
When I try to be a poet, I'm successful, you can see.
But now I can't think of another word that ends in "e".

"Return to Me, Oh 5 Key"

03.01.05

Oh 5 Key, how I miss thee,
A butter knife came and took you away from me
You were flung through the air like a artist of trapeze
I need a fourth line here, words fail me.

"The 5 Key Celebration"

03.01.05

One day I lost my five key, that was disappointing.
Then I wrote a poem, and it was rewarding.
The five key returned to me, overjoying.
I'd write a last line here, but I don't like thinking.

"Ashley"

03.01.05

This one's about Ashley Covert. She complained that I didn't put that she was my inspiration on my site... yeah she kinda is... but I figured she couldn't inspire me more about anything other than a poem about herself... so this is that poem...

I know a girl that can more than often be a little strange,
She is pretty smart but a little slow in mathematics... ange...
But in spite of this, she's pretty cool and there's nothing wrong with strange.
She would be Ashley, cause of this poem's entry into my brain.

"Brandon, He Isn't a Treehugger"

03.01.05

This is the poem Ashley wrote about me. She wanted it here, so it is. It's not near as good as mine, and it's short, but it's got good rhythm. The title came from my reply to the poem, which was:

"its true... but i dunno if im mellow... "
"like, man, mellow is for the hippies and the tree-huggers, man. i, like, am so totally not one of them, man."

Brandon, what a smart fellow
He is quite frequently mellow
Not a heartless boy at all
His heart is just a li'l small

"Flower"

03.01.05

This is a poem about a flower, because every poet writes one at one point in time.

A flower sits in my garden, beautiful as can be.
I stare down at it, then as I get up I bang my knee.
I scream "Ow! Son of a!" and glare at the peony,
Then stomp on the good-for-nothing bastard with glee!

"Flatulence"

03.01.05

Ashley told me her dog farts. Very inspiring. This is a poem about it. Lol

Ashley has a dog named Foxy who's mundane;
The dog constantly releases gas that's methane.
The family thinks this torture is inhumane,
But they love their dog too much to complain.

"Inequality"

03.01.21

So in English, we were supposed to write this thing about what equality was, and share it in groups. One of my group members, Ben, good guy, a little odd, had written:

"Equality is the equal treatment of equal people because of their equalness, which we are told we should do because all people are equal. But all people should not be treated equally, as all people are not equal. For example, I am sarcastic and Tim Lavoy [this other guy I know, also in this group] is not. My sarcasticness makes me a nuisance, so Tim should be treated better than me."

That's pretty funny, and deserved a poem. Oh and jfr, Chad is this other guy who is like the opposite of un-funny. He's hilarious. The guy wrote a story about saving Wayne Gretzky's life by beating him in the face with a shovel.

Ben Bronson is this guy I know, having sarcastic ways.
He's treated worse than Tim Lavoy, but better than most gays.
He'll never be as good as Chad in funny plays.
But people aren't equal, so it's all good, he says.

"Cheat Sheet"

03.01.21

Poor Andy. Couldn't print his cheat sheet out with all the binary numbers. So you know, it needed a poem.

Andy's screwed on his exam in hardware class
He can't print his cheat sheet, a pain in the ass
So if I were him, which I ain't, I'd go get a glass
Of some kind of alcohol and get drunk real fast.

"Ashley and Mike"

03.01.21

Andy told me to write a poem about Ashley Thaeter and Mike Wilkinson gettin together. So I did. I don't know either of them. Well I know who Ashley is, but you know. It's all good.

If Ashley and Mike were together, life wouldn't suck.
That's what she do though, cuz you know, what the fuck.
Maybe at the hockey game they'd be hit by a puck.
And then they'd be buried together, 10 feet under the muck.

"Andy and Michelle"

03.01.21

And then he told me to write one about him and Michelle, this chic form B.C. So I wrote it, and this is it. But it's like my worst one yet. Give me credit, I was tired. Jeebus. And I know the expression isn't "shit out of lock", but luck doesn't quite rhyme. Lol.

Michelle is in British Columbia, Andy is not.
Instead he's in Bancroft, a land full of pot.
He wishes he were there, but he ain't quite got
The money to travel, so he's shit out of lock.

Andy's Poem

03.01.??

Andy wrote this poem like sometime... I dunno... well anyways he wanted it up here... he and Craig Easton wrote it about Terri Lynn Graham... sorry bout my mistake earlier... lol... It's so much longer and better than any of mine, therefore, it was mostly Craig who wrote it, cuz there's no way Andy could write better than me. Lol.

Shes a slut, takes it up the butt
she even slept with a mutt
she had to keep the door shut
cause they knew she was a slut

she did it with her teacher
it was a penthouse feature
then took out her preacher
and he wanted to bang her

oh, she was a big hoe
she even did it with her foes
she dated a guy named moe
did kinky things with their toes

one day so sunny
she did it fer lots of money
thought it was funny
being the playboy bunnie

when she was little, she got tanked
told all the guys she likes to be spanked
her mom told her she was a scank
so she jumped in water and sank

the end

And what a poem it is. The best one up here, and it has something about a dog in it! What'd I tell you, dogs make the best poetry parodies.

"Exams"

03.01.23

I am so bored. Plus today I wrote a useless exam. So what the hell, I'm writing a poem about it. Oh by the way it's 12:01am, barely the 23rd, so it's not the greatest of my works.

Exams are useless, and in my eyes and my mind
We don't need 1½ hours, a waste of time.
They should let us leave earlier, it's a kick in the 'hind
But screw the school system, the semester's behind.

See? Not the greatest. But I was bored. Well, off to bed. I don't have anyone left on MSN anyway... they're all asleep... stupid useless tired people...

"Uselessness"

03.01.23

One of my many words. I am bored once again. As usual. So I'm going to write a poem about how useless the world is.

Useless is the universe, quite often says I.
The best thing it has to offer is a slice of pie.
This world sucks, and yes, everyone should die.
I'm just kidding, but it's hard to make this rhyme.

"Sock-Fish"

03.01.23

Well, my last couple of poems have S.U.C.K.E.D. So I think it's about time I write a good one. So I'm going to try and write a good one now. About a duct-taped sock in the shape of a fish. Inside joke. That I'm like on the very edge of. Barely an insider is I. You freakin' outsiders, you. This one has a different layout than my others if you've been paying attention so far.

Little tiny sock-fish man.
His little silver fins shine brightly in the pan.
I'm cooking Ashley's duct-taped fish for her to eat.
In Oceanic countries, tape is quite the treat.
It was meant to be a birthday gift, in a little bowl.
But now it fries away in there, that stupid tapey 'hole.
I think this sock-fish is almost done.
Making him, then killing him. It was all quite fun.
The fish once swam freely, in an endless Jell-o sea.
Now the stupid thing is food for you and me.
If you go down some time into your local grocery store,
You may just find some duct-taped sock-fish. Buy some, and then go buy some more.

Yeah that is a great poem. I hope you like it, Ash. Oh and by the way, I'm not actually gonna cook your fish. Cdal. No worries. Lol.

"Chairs"

03.01.23

So I have a problem using chairs. In the past, what, year and a half, I've broken four. I don't know what it is. For those of you who don't know me, it's not like I'm fat or anything, I just can't use chairs. Well I finally got a good chair. YAY! So I wrote a poem about chairs.

When I get any new chairs, I break them real fast.
Like, the side will fall off, and I fall on my ass.
It's pretty painful, almost like stepping in glass.
I really hope my new chair will last.

"Line Bitch"

03.02.05

Went tubing the other day, this bitch yelled at me for moving forward in the line. I'm not a fan of line bitches. She's like as hated by me as Neary. My parents both laughed at me. So did Andy. So did Ashley. So did I. So I wrote this poem in the hopes that she dies.

When you move forward, line bitches yell.
This fact among others will send them to hell.
Fuck the line bitches and their line bitchy ways,
Extinction of them would just make my day.

"JavaScript"

03.04.26

I'm finally advancing im my HTML and JAVA abilities. While working on the S5 site, I wrote this poem below. It's showing that you just can't live without internet code.

HTML and JavaScript are some great code,
Writing in them puts people in a happier mode.
They're more fun than, say, licking a toad.
Unlike FLASH, they'll never cause a system overload.

"Poems"

03.04.26

It's been too long since I wrote a poem, so here's a poem (written half again the usual size!) about how I've missed my poems.

Poetry is relaxing and mine is funny,
It shows my nature of being carefree
And even my love for the 5-key.
But no matter what happens to poems or me
These poems will always right here be
To fill people's laughter with maniacal glee.

"Original Inspiration Gains Another Poem"

03.04.26

The 5-Key deserves another poem (because they never really have anything to do with the 5 and pointless poems are great)  so this is the other one it deserves. Also, I had to include my motto into this poem because it hasn't been in one yet.

The numpad's middle button is the 5 Key
If you press it I'm sure you will clearly see
You can't go wrong with ice cream
Surprise, surprise, line four doesn't be.

"Road Trip"

03.04.27

I'm planning a road trip to the Interstate 60, a highway in Missouri that may or may not actually exist. The trip is based on a movie, Interstate 60 (http://www.majordecision.com/). So I'm writing a trip poem. Oh, and the word "nifty" is a little weird but it fits into the rhyming scheme so it's all good.

The best non-existant highway ever is the Interstate Sixty
To travel there would definitely be incredibly nifty
It's a great place for a big mind-messing spree
So now, next April, that's where I'm going to be.

"The Forum"

04.03.16

I was on my forum today, and was trying to write a poem. You know, it's been 11 months, I thought I should get back into it. Since I was on a forum, I wrote one about it.

Permanent, public IM: definition of the Forum.
Everyone else joins them, why won't you conforum?
It's totally free, you can stay out of the storum...
Damn all you guests, join or else I'll... or... um...

"Quitters"

04.03.16

My poems have gotten more violent than before, yes, moreso even than "Flower". Since this forum guy from GreyRain shut down GreyRain because a few codes didn't work, I wrote a poem in that quitter's honor. Keep in mind that I myself am usually a quitter, so this is a kind of hypocritical poem, but that happens sometimes.

Quitters are people who give up and/or give in;
People like them really wear your patience thin.
You get an uncontrollable urge to kick their shin.
Be persistant, or I'll knock your teeth in!

"Memories"

04.03.16

It seems like I lost my 5 key only yesterday. and I still fear it will happen once again every time I clean my keyboard (about every two months). It also feels like I was constantly updating these poems yesterday, and I kind of miss it. All these memories with all these poems... I feel so... inspired.

Memories of poetry fill my mind as I write here
With so much more would it be filled, had I a beer.
I think I should now write a line about a deer.
Hopefully I can remain poemizing, at least another year.